January 27, 2012
Vancouver Dating: Hopefulness

Perhaps one last introspective post on dating.
**Note: I’m not dumb enough to talk about guys who might be active online or their friends who are online and can share these posts.  The guys in those posts are the type that think twitter is all about telling people when you woke up and had breakfast** 

The four dating episodes I wrote about are just the most memorable ones among the dates that I’ve had….the word memorable with a negative connotation to it ;-)  My closest friends know that my blogging about my dates is VERY uncharacteristic of me.  I am a private person and I guess that’s why my friends confide in me with their deepest darkest secrets as they know I won’t tell a soul.  Well…when it comes to my dating life, sometimes my friends don’t even know about them until WAY after the fact.  For some particular reason, I just don’t like disclosing about my life that way.  

Some of my friends already know about these particular stories.  When I divulged to them these cringe worthy ones they’ve exclaimed ‘no wonder you’ve had a hard time dating…cuz you get losers!!’  And yes sometimes I wonder maybe I should just jet off to New York, Paris, Austin, or Montreal to find someone.

Here’s some snippets of other not-so-hot moments:
- 1 guy became needy and emotional after 2-3 dates; ie he pouted and sulked because I wasn’t willing to meet up with him when in he was in the neighborhood..after I explained I didn’t feel like saying hi because I wasn’t feeling well
- 1 guy heavily criticized me for being in marketing and that I was ‘lying’ to people with my job and he was very anti-establishment / anti-capitalism / anti-corporation / anti-Chapters and Starbucks etc….AND he worked for a big gaming studio
-  1 guy drank too much on first date and told me how he was suspecting that previous girl he was dating might have been an escort.  And when he helped drop her off in Victoria he thought she might have been visiting her ‘sugar daddy’
- 1 guy, who was in his early 40s, only dated girls much younger than him.  One of his ex-girlfriends was 23.  His explanation: he couldn’t relate to girls his age and found he could learn more from someone of a different generation. Apparently I was a bit older compared to others.

My experiences haven’t been all that bad.  There’s been some decent ones where there was just no spark at the end.  And there’s been very sweet romantic occasions that provide a beacon of hope for mankind. These nicer moments are from one off dates to ones that evolved into a relationship…whatever the outcome was it reminds me that there are some pretty swell guys out there.

So ladies, here’s a taste of what kind of ‘good’ Vancouver men are out there

- a chef cooked an amazing multi-course lunch which included home made lobster seafood bouillabaisse and apple tartine.  And he tried to cook a meal that fitted my ‘at that time’ low gluten diet.
-  I mentioned to date that I prefer a guy in a hoodie over a suit… so date went out to buy and wear a hoodie to the next date and had a red rose ready for me.
- during a date, it was getting chilly outside and I mentioned my hands easily gets cold. The guy immediately held my hands to make sure they got warmed and held on to them for the rest of the time. 
- one date took me to the top of Grouse Mountain at night to go skating and have hot chocolate 

Admittedly, at times, I may not have been the best date but I’m pretty sure I’m not inept nor a psycho ;)  I’m just an old fashion gal really.

Even with the awfully bad and the fugly, I truly believe there’s still hope for all the single Vancouver girls and guys out there. At the end of the day…..just smile and smile with your eyes, talk and listen with an open mind, and start with a warm hello…you may be surprised who might be saying hello back :)

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January 26, 2012
The Hater

Have you read The Secret?  I personally haven’t but I think the gist of it is if you believe and visualize hard enough whatever you hope for will come to you.  It is like as if your vibe will go out to the cosmos and it’ll answer back.  I try to be a positive person because that’s how I want to live my life and, selfishly, I want positivity to come to me.  Well this particular date was a temporary interruption to my positive mojo.

This was another date through a supposedly more reliable online dating site.  There was no picture and bare details about his background except he was tall and fit.  The fluffy part of the profile where it states your job, likes / dislikes, hobbies, and such was interesting enough for me to answer.  After an email or two, I requested to check out a picture because I had absolutely no idea what he looked like.  Let’s be honest..I needed to know if he was cute or not.  But there was no reply to my inquiry (first red flag).  

After a few emails, we moved on to the phone….

Usual topics of work, hobbies, etc

Me: “So I’m wondering….what do you look like?  We chatted and all but..have no idea what you look like…LOL”

Him: “Oh yeah about that…I work for the government and they’re very strict about employee online conduct and such.  So I wanted to be careful”

Me thinking that he couldn’t have at least emailed the atypical ‘shot in the bathroom in bad tungsten light’ self portrait?

Me: “Well..ok then.  Maybe at least describe what you look like?”

Him: “My friends would say I’m tall, dark,..and handsome I guess..LOLed” - this particular description will have some significance later on

Me: “LOLed….ok..anything else”

Him: “And guess they would say I have a nice smile too”

Me: “That’s good to hear”

Him: “How about you….how would you describe yourself?”

Me: “Um..I look pretty much myself [in the pictures]”

Him: “What would say be your best features?”

Me: “I guess my smile and my eyes perhaps”

Him: “I mean what would you say are your attractive features” ….2nd red flag raised

Me: “Hm..think my smile”

Him: “Well when you had a boyfriend what did he say was the sexiest part of you”

Me: not taking the bait “I’d say my personality.  I find that once a guy gets to know me he becomes more attracted to me”

Him: “I mean like a particular part of your body that a boyfriend has found sexy”

Me: still not taking the bait..you want me to say T&A don’t you
“Well eyes and smile have been mentioned…and just generally what I look like”

Him: taking the hint “ok cool cool.  Like to meet up for coffee”

Me: I ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt..probably should stop that
“Sure..this weekend perhaps”

Him: “Sounds good.  I’ll contact you to figure things out”

Later in the week we text to set up the date

Him: “Want to meet up this weekend?”
Me: “Sat brunch or coffee perhaps?”
Him:”Sure coffee on Sat.  What time works for you?”
Me: “Early afternoon? Like 2pm”
Him: “Ok can you come to downtown please” .. shouldn’t there be a discussion on at least a central place in case I live far away..AND I had already mentioned I live in downtown.
Me: “I live in DT
Him: “Let’s meet at [downtown coffee shop]”
Me: “Sure sounds good”
Him: “ok text me at 1 to confirm you are on time” Me: WTF..didn’t realize I was on a schedule 

Approximately 1pm on date day I texted him that I was still available to hang out.

Him: “Yup I’ll meet you there.  I’m going to be coming from the gym if that’s ok” Me: WTF..you’re making sure I’m on time and in downtown to accomodate your workout??

At 1:52pm, he texts back

Him: “Are you on time?” Me: WTF
Me: “Probably.  What are you wearing so I can recognize you”
Him: “Where are you right now? And I’m in gym gear” Me: WTF
Me: I’m at corner of [block] and [block]

I immediately texted my friend about the what just transpired with a few WTFs

I arrived at the cafe on time while he was at least 5 minutes late (WTF).  When I finally met him, I assumed he was caucasian…..but he wasn’t.  It was approximately a 40 minute date…a very LONG 40 minute date.  You know it’s going to start out well when your date goes into a long discussion about the city’s crime rate.

It started out very simple

Him: “Where abouts do you live then?”
Me: “Just few blocks away from here actually”
Him: “Have you heard about the shootings recently around here”
Me: “Um..shootings”
Him: a good 10 minutes detailing the crimes and shootings around Vancouver 

Him: “Vancouver is trying to be a city which it isn’t”
Me: “What do you mean” careful there buddy…you’re talking to a Vancouver lover here
Him: “The crime and come on…this city has had more riots than Toronto..meaningless riots”
Him: “And there’s nothing to do here” 
Me: “I know people say that but there’s actually a number of things to do if you look for it”
Him: “If you compare night life of places like New York and Montreal..it doesn’t even compare”
Me: “Well true.  New York doesn’t seem to sleep and I’ve been to Montreal and miss the summers there.”
Him: “Yeah exactly..I’ve brought friends here and took them to Gastown and they were like ….That’s It?!  And had to tell them that that’s all we have around here”
Me: Thinking of immediate escape route 

Me: “I like Gastown.  It’s changed a lot especially with all the stores and good restaurants now” 
Him: “But really..it doesn’t compare to place like Toronto or the big cities in the states”
And then another good 10-15 minutes just berating how blah Vancouver is.  He travels around a lot for work so he was throwing out the all these cities.  Therefore I threw out my travel card
Me: About to execute my escape route of having to ‘meet friend soon’
Me: “I mean I’ve travelled around and my faves are New York, Tokyo, and London and see myself living in those cities.  But at the end of the day it’s nice coming back home to Vancouver.”
Him: “Well yeah if you grew up in that city, you consider it home.  I mean seriously…like even people in Winnipeg will always consider Winnipeg home.” Apologies to all the Winnipeggers out there.

As he was talking to me, it was very noticeable he didn’t give me eye contact.  Instead, as he was going through his long-winded anti Vancouver tirate, he looked up then to the right then at me or he looked right then up then at me.  He would have made a very good lab experiment for visual eye tracking tests.

If I wrote every single complaint about the weather, the people, the city, etc this would be a very LONG post.  That’s how bad it got.

Another 10-15 minutes later of bashing Vancouver and then ending with how California is more beautiful.

Me: “So why are you here then?”
Him: “My family, cousins, nieces and nephews are here so I want to be around them. But yeah I don’t see myself living here in the long run”

Somewhere in there he asked me what kind of food and restaurant I liked.  We ended the date with him asking to meet again.  I was deer in headlights at this point because I was perplexed why he asked me for a second date because he DID NOT ASK ME ANYTHING ABOUT ME. I left the date without providing a solid answer.  By the end of this coffee torture episode, all I learned was
a) he was not caucasian
b) he hated Vancouver

A couple of days later, I texted him back saying I wasn’t going to take up the offer of second date because there was no chemistry (duh).

Now how do they say it…The hater got hated cuz he got no game (Ok I made that up).

Lessons Learned:
1) Be accommodating especially on the first date
2) Find some commonalities, respect each other’s differences, and base your conversations on those.
3) Present your best to show sign of respect to your date….seriously in your gym gear? 

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January 18, 2012
Vancouver Dating: The Bathhouse Freak

This particular date perturbed and pissed me off at the end. I was about to name this post ‘The Bathhouse Flake’ but didn’t feel like holding punches. It was a set up of sorts where the friend meant well and thought matchmaking came down to ‘hey he’s nice and single, and she’s nice and single…so they should get along well!’. If you’ve seen the series, The Million Matchmaker, it takes a little bit more to find a good match (aside from having a huge bank account in Sweden). So this date started off…..weird. The red flag already waved wildly even after our first phone call.

The phone call….

Him: “Hi, this is Potential Romantic Interest A….is Teresa there?
Me: “Yes, this is Teresa. How are you doing?”

Pleasantries continued with the usual topics of background, work, food, and etc. He has a stressful job in the film industry so he found himself a way to distress…

Me: “Wow..do you even have time for yourself or relax at all”
Him: “I sort of do..but some people think it’s weird. It’s actually not as bad as it sounds” Me: Thinking…maybe he does hot yoga or boxing or takes long walks
Him: “I go to bathhouses a couple of times of week”
Me: “I’m sorry……….you go where?” maybe he means like the sauna or jacuzzi
Him: “You know bathhouses…like what you see in Japan…big room with a big heated pool in the middle”
Me: I’m envisioning naked hairy sweaty fat men wrapped in a towel..for some reason a naked Borat came to mind
Him: “It’s not as scuzzy as it sounds. It’s actually pretty clean and legit.”
Me: “Oh alright. I didn’t realize there were bathhouses in Vancouver”
Him: “Yeah the one I go to is on Hastings” yeah..that’s more legit….

We moved on to other topics and one notable thing about the conversation was that he was a good listener. Too good of a listener. We ended up setting a date to have dinner in Yaletown….at least I owed that to my friend.

Night of the date, I met him in front of the restaurant and at that time I thought it was a good decision. He was tall, handsome, with a shock of salt and pepper hair (think more Andersen Cooper’s hair than George Clooney’s). I think there was instant chemistry. We sat down in the patio area and started to chat while we checked out the menu. The waitress came by to take our order.

Waitress: “Evening, what would you like to order tonight”
Me: “You go ahead and order”
Him to Waitress: “Oh watch out, we have a food blogger here, so we have to have the best tonight”
Me: Thinking ‘WTF’, feeling mortified, and not believing he committed such a FAUX PAS. Me: “Don’t worry..I’m taking tonight off”
Waitress: “Well then you must try our special (some chef specialty etc etc)”

We ended up ordering the special and some other dishes. After we put in our orders, I pointedly mentioned to him that I NEVER identify myself as a food blogger at a restaurant when I go out. He apologized profusely and I’m way too nice. We actually had a good conversation during the dinner. However, there were some things that were brought up during the phone and dinner conversations that shouted to me FLAKE and NON-Commital. He brought up past relationships that were ‘not that serious’ with a dash of ‘go with the flow’ with pinches of ‘whatever happens happens’. At the end of the night, maybe it was my hormones overpowering my judgement, I promised another date.

The very next night he calls around 9pm

Him: “Hey Teresa, this is Potential Romantic Interest A”
Me: “Oh hey, how are you? How’s your night going?”
Him: “I actually just go off work and heading to the bathhouse….want to join me?”
Me: “Really?”
Him: “Yeah, I’m heading over there right now but can come by to pick you up”
Me: Thinking he was joking “Isn’t it too early to be in the bathing suit stage with you a la Blind Date” then with a fake laugh
Him: “I don’t know what you mean….it’s just like soaking in a hot tub but bigger. Just sitting there and nothing else”
Me: ok…he is serious about this
Me: “No I don’t feel like going as I’m home now, it’s late, and want to start settling down before going to sleep”
Him: “Alright..but I think you’re missing out! Have a good night then and we’ll catch up later”

For the following two weeks, we attempted to meet again but he would cancel at the last minute because he worked late. At this point, I was about to call it completely off but he made one last attempt to meet for a weekend brunch. We planned for Saturday morning to call each other and set up brunch details. It was mid Saturday morning and I came home from the gym. There was still no call from him so I phoned him.

Me: “Hey, this is Teresa…wondering when you want to meet up for brunch today”
Him: “Oh hey…I’m actually having brunch with my brother right now on Main street”
Me: WTF
Me: “I’m sorry…you’re having brunch with your brother right now?”
Him: “Yeah, why not join us?”
Me: WTF
Me: “Well I just came home from the gym, still need to get ready, and then would need to transit over. So it’s going to take me more than an hour before I get there”
Him: “Oh”
Me: “Well enjoy having your brunch and we’ll catch up later”

Couple of days later, I called him to very tactfully say we were on different pages and didn’t seem like a fit.

A night later, he texts me along the lines of “It’s really too bad that we couldn’t continue. I thought there was something there” Yeah…there was…nothing.

Lessons Learned:
- Go with your gut feeling and recognize the red flags.
- Once again, on a first date stick with safe topics as much as possible with some innocent flirting
- There’s apparently a bathhouse on Hastings

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January 12, 2012
nicolbb: bookshelfporn: Read Your Book Case - Studio Saporiti has created alphabetical and numerical bookshelf casings, which allows customers to choose individual letters to spell words, phrases and dates.  Want.

nicolbb:

bookshelfporn:

Read Your Book Case - Studio Saporiti has created alphabetical and numerical bookshelf casings, which allows customers to choose individual letters to spell words, phrases and dates. 

Want.

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January 12, 2012
Vancouver Dating: The Interrogation

Maybe this date was more like the Spanish Inquisition.

At one point or another, or even now, we have our check list of qualities we want in a partner.  When we first meet a romantic prospect, we mentally go through our list to see if they neatly fit in those checkboxes.  Sometimes we forget that people are complex creatures and none of us fit into everyone’s square and peg hole.  More often than not I fall for people who are completely the opposite of what I was looking for.  And about that list…what list?  Oh yeah..that list went straight out the window.

Well, this particular suitor probably took his list out of an EQ test or even from the Mensa exam to bring to our date.

This was a number of years ago when I was still in my 20s and discovering my individuality and wants in a relationship.  This was another online dating adventure and this gentleman was in his early 30s.  I remember him being tall, rugged, and sporting a shaved head to hide is receding hairline.  But all in all he was pretty easy on the eyes.  There was a certain intensity to him that enveloped him like invisible dark cloud.  Some may call it moody and find it sexy but it didn’t make me feel relaxed around him.  I was actually tense and stressed throughout this whole date.  The actual dinner part is a bit of blur and I don’t remember if we even laughed.  I only recall the scary cross examination.

(Scene of the crime..I mean interrogation…I mean restaurant)

18:00 PST 

Him: “So how do you deal with conflict”
Me: “I’m sorry…………what do you mean?”
Him: “How do you deal in a situation if you have a heated argument with your partner”
Me: “Err just calm down, be open minded, and talk it through”
Him: “What I mean is how would you act during the argument and afterwards”
Me: “I’m a fairly calm person so I would probably listen to what he has to say”
Him: “What would you actually say and do though”
Me: (bringing out all those conflict resolution readings I learned from) “Well I would make sure I don’t make it sound like I blame him, that I understand where he was coming from, how I felt…………..(and on and on and on)”
Him: (trying to continue to ask questions and poke holes in my explanation)

etc etc etc etc etc etc…and the night continued….
20:00-ish PST

Him: “How do you feel about pre marital sex”

Him: “Do you need to be around your partner all the time?”

Him: “Do you want to get married?”

Him: “Are you ok being with someone who is completely different than you?” 

Me: (feeling the bright spotlight on my face)

Him: “Would you ever want to live with your partner before marriage” 

Him: “Do you want kids”

Him: “How do you want to raise your kids?” 

Him: “What were you like in your last relationship?”

Me: (being hooked up to a lie detector test machine..not really but might as well have)

Him: “What was your boyfriend like”

Him: “Why did you guys broke up”

etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

And somehow we ended up going to Blenz Yaletown to further talk because I’m sado-masochistic that way.

21:30 PST

Him: “When you have problem do you talk about it right away”

Him: “Would you say you’re emotional?”

Me: (playing with my shoes at this point)

Him: “Is it A, B, C, A&B, or All Of The Above?” (ok totally made this up ;))

23:00 when-is-this-over o’clock PST

I felt like I was in a 4 hour skills testing quiz show and knowing that I wasn’t going to win.  Heck…job interviews were easier than this date.  Whatever I answered didn’t seem to fulfill what he was looking for and he kept asking away to see as if I could perhaps fit into this little relationship fantasy nook of his.  At times, it felt like one of those psych tests where the first questions could be found again near the end but worded differently….just to see if you could provide a consistent answer.

To say the least, we didn’t have a second date.  Maybe by now he found his perfect gal that scored perfect on his SATs with bonus marks.  And me? Thank gawd I failed his test.

Lessons Learned:

- You should have a list of attributes and qualities that you value in a romantic parter.  At the same time be flexible and open minded, and you may be pleasantly surprised of the kind of people you click with
- It’s called a date….not a personal business requirements gathering session 


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